Personal Life Stuff

My Thoughts About My 36th Birthday And What I Want To Do

You can read the post below, or watch or listen to the Aspie Chats podcast.

 

Well happy 36th birthday to me.  The last year in my life has been a lot of turmoil.  I have experienced a lot of bullying online and in person.  I have experienced a lot of rejections.  I have experienced a lot of loneliness and depression.  And I have experienced a lot of time in the house I live in hoping the house does not collapse upon itself.

in this post, I want to talk about what I want to do in the next year.  I grow tired of being rejected, being bullied, feeling like crap, and being lonely.  I just want to live a good life where I have people that listen to me and want to be around me, have pets I can play with, have an reliable career and house that’s not collapsing upon itself and is safe, and have fun experiencing good things.

 

Better Control of my Health

Let’s just get right off the bat about my health.  in the past few weeks, I have had a colonoscopy, and a tube that was put down into my stomach.  A few polyps were removed, and thankfully no cancer or ulcers were found.  They did find some acid reflux damage.  At the same time, I have had three IV iron infusions.

While all of this was happening, I have had several doctors and nurse practitioners say to me that I need to lose the weight.  Here’s the thing, I have been overweight for my entire life.  When you’re constantly bullied, abused, lonely, and neglected throughout your whole life, you turn to food for comfort.  And believe me I have been badly abused and bullied throughout my life.

Along with the abuse, I have lived a lot of my life with hardly any income.  So when you go shopping, you get the cheapest things you can get, which is the unhealthiest.  And without hardly any income, how in the world you can afford workouts or nutritionists.

All the doctors and nurse practitioners have told me I need the gastic sleeve procedure.  And I have been looking into it, but because of the high cost, and me hardly having any income, it’s impracticable for me right now.  Also because Medicare does not cover any weight loss medicines.   I currently take seven medications, and that list will probably grow. What will happen next I have no idea.  I just wonder if I ever will get the income to do the right things to lose the weight before the heart attack or stroke happens?

Finding a Better Job / Career

Throughout my life, I have had problems, major problems, finding jobs. Being someone with autism and a disability, it’s 10 times harder finding anything.  I even remember counting the number of job rejections on the wall, and it got over 1000.  The only reason I have the part time job now, is because of a national television show.  Without the TV show, I would likely still be relying on Social Security Disability every month, which is just $800.  How can you live on that when you have to live by yourself with no family support?

The thing is, I cannot handle fast-paced jobs.  That means no restaurant jobs, or jobs that make you move fast.  I will break things, and I might even hurt people, I have done this before.  The job I work at now, which has been good, at a local highway department, is only for $8.00 an hour.  And I have been working here for about four years now.  The issue is there is not enough work there currently there to begin with.

Yes, I have looked around to try to find other jobs.  And there have been two I almost got.  One job got rejected because of my political beliefs, yes I can’t believe I’m saying that.  The other job, I got rejected because they found out I have a disability.  Even when I did not tell them.  This is the reality with someone with a disability, maybe this is why many people with disabilities are unemployed and not working.  Over 80% of people with disabilities are not in the labor force.

And then you say, why don’t you go to school?  Well, for the ones with autism who have gone to school, many of them are also unemployed.  it’s estimated only 20% of those with autism with a four-year degree has a job.  And if I wanted to go back to school, how am I going to support myself?  No, I cannot handle school and working at the same time.

So I keep hoping I can find something so I can get off Social Security disability and get better health insurance at the same time to improve my health.  Something that can show off my creative side of things.  Maybe something will happen.

 

Building my portfolio and Geek Alabama

I do a lot of amazing things here on geek Alabama.  From writing, photography, videography, interviews, reviews, stories, and showing off my creative work.  It’s too bad I barely make any money off of it.  You would think by now someone would have hired me and worked with me, but that has not happened.

So I am moving to a new phase, I am preparing to launch a few podcasts.  I am excited about this, one of the podcasts will be a Daily News perspective from someone with a disability.  And believe me, we need more voices from those with disabilities.

I also want to show off more my creative side, with my drawings, paintings, crafts, cooking, and more.  Will I ever get to do that, maybe.  I would love to have more space including a bigger kitchen, and an artist table. But that will rely on the next step.

 

Finding a New Place to Live and a Pet

I have been living in the same house for a few years now.  The main reason why I live where I live at, is because it’s cheap.  When you only earn a little over $1000 a month, this is all you can afford.  And the rent is only $275 a month.  In the past year or two, I have had rain go through the ceiling, part of the floor sinking meaning foundation issues.  And in the bathroom, I have had to use a lot of canned foam to cover up the holes in the walls.  That means water gets through the holes and causes issues with the foundation.  I try not to shower at this house as much as possible, I just go to the gym.

Of course, there are many other cracks in the walls throughout the house that I have covered up with caulk to avoid pests.  And the house where I live at has a major homeless person issue as well.  There have had been many counters with homeless people.  And the house is around a crime problem too.  We have had drug busts, arguments, gunshots, drunk driving wrecks, and more.

And at the house where I live at, I cannot have a pet.  Even a service pet.  And believe me, it gets very lonely when it’s just you by yourself.  Yes I would like to move, but too move, I would need more income.  The good thing, the city I live in is very cheap and affordable, but I need to earn more income to move to a better place.  I just wonder how long until this house collapses upon itself?  And no, I am not looking at doing roommates either, I cannot handle that.

 

Mental Health and Building Autism and Disability Awareness

Throughout my life my mental health has been poor.  While going through my childhood, experiencing all the mental and physical abuse from family members and other people really does affect you for the rest of your life.  Even today, experiencing the major amounts of bullying and harassment online and in person really does affect myself.  Combine that with all the rejections that I continually get, and no wonder why I feel depressed.

And of course, I could go see a therapist, and I should go see a therapist.  But until I can get more income, that is a pipe dream.  While I struggle with my mental health, I also continue to struggle with my autism and disability.  it’s true, there is a lot of rejection and bullying happening against those with autism and disabilities.

A lot of people with autism and disabilities get passed over from everything including careers, jobs, engagements, opportunities, and much more.  For example, I got all excited when someone contacted me asking me to speak at an event here in Alabama.  I thought I was going get to introduce myself and what I do online.  And then of course the rug got pulled out of under me and it got cancelled.  I experience this a lot, an opportunity presents itself, and then it never happens.

And there is a lot of missed opportunities and hate against those with disabilities.  We are often ignored and told to hide from society.  it’s sad really, but I’m not going to let this stop me.  I am going to continue to create things here on Geek Alabama.  Even if that means more hate and bullying.  Many people need to learn that people with disabilities are good people that just wants a chance.

 

And there you have it, I just hope my 36th year on this planet is way better than my last year.  I just grow tired of being ignored, bullied, and lonely.  Maybe things will get better.

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